Rainy

i just realized how i’ve changed for the past 6 months. and yeah i’m becoming a cruel person. sometimes i would even laugh at other’s failure. not because i hate them but because they somehow deserve it. i always took the fall, explain how it went out, make sure ppl won’t do the same infraction when in reality i can’t control them. ppl decide what they wanna do and i couldn’t even see it beforehand. cause i’m only human. i get all the blame for the intentional misconduct, they say it reflects on how i handle the situation and little did ppl know how hard im trying my best to be at my best shot. they never see it and i don’t feel appreciated for all the efforts i’ve been doing and all the money i have to spent just to keep them motivated..they didnt know that im also trying to save myself from my own chaos. and whenever i feel this there is just one thing i wanna do: walk away, leave.

Winter

There are days, that i am hating my life, my past, how i turned out, how i am currently not on my dream life right now. how i wasn’t able to do things differently before. how scared, anxious and pretty bad at my decisions led me to a different way that i never imagined. you hated things that never knew would happen. and love the outcome when it somehow depicts reality. you’re always mad with the idea of people leaving the pedestal you’re in. but never been so happy if somebody hold your hand in prayer. you always laugh with tears from the joy and the pain. but never had emotions from the day it was confirmed that you’ll never be chosen again. you sold your value in hopes that somebody might dread to understand how love should turn out, but you never guess if the end will show up. you’re always tired with all the waiting, but never with the vision of someday. you’ll be ok soon btch. you got this life for a pitch.