The Kind of Love We DeSERVE


     Forgiveness is forgiving the person while you were hurting. It seems foolish to hear this thing but it’s true. Yea, people’s great default is that, we will only forgive the person if they suffered long from their mistakes or if they changed for our pretty pathetic standards. That is the kind of forgiveness I’ve been praying for. A KIND OF HEART THAT NEVER KEEPS RECORDS OF WRONGS. I hated people in my life who put a huge bag of pain inside me, they all sucks in reality but the Lord is just knocking my heart to learn the right way of loving his people. It all starts from saying sorry for all the things that grieves you and giving a chance for the people who abandoned you. This is foolishness for the world and I heard demons below the earth whispering that people don’t deserve my heart. But the Lord prevails. The Lord demonstrate a love that never hates, a love that forgives while he was hurting. He even demonstrates love by sacrificing his life and humbling down to this sinful world to save people who will crown him with thorns, who will dishonor him by tearing his clothes, who will mock him in front of people, THIS IS THE KIND OF LOVE WE DESERVE. This is the kind of love that I keep on dreaming. Now I’m in the middle of it all, He forgave me not because of any good works but because He genuinely love me to die for my sins. Let’s all come back to our first love.


Books told me..


When you’re in pain, you thought that the world was too close to drag you down the earth’s mantle. But hey, cheer up! I was told before that chapters are just stories divided into sub categories of beginning, climax and the end. But I love to continue reading the climax for me to give the right ending. You should not try believing the ending of the books you have read. No. Don’t believe that the author intends to kill his characters. I believe that somewhere in the heart of an author, there is a place where he also want happy ending stories. But for the sake of the readers, they will make you cry by creating characters who will die over and over again in your imagination. I love reading tragic stories. It makes me feel that I don’t have the most tragic situation in life. But whenever I see myself inside the book they have written, it feels like I’m being trapped with commas, periods and all the phrases. I couldn’t get out from the idea of being the same person that was the product of ink and paper. I know that it will hurt me soon, to live with the characters from their chapters, but books are far more better than people. It will never betray me. By the way, He holds the pen.

Begin Again



Love is more that just an emotion that creeps in when we see someone that is the exact person we thought was the one. it’s more than just pretty faces and good habits , or even the qualities of an ideal guy or girl the society has been dreaming. Love is loving even if it’s inconvenient for you, love is about understanding all the given mistakes with grievances but joy follows. Love is about being unconditional, being joyous in the middle of anger, being patient when you were asked to wait for a longer time. Love is not what the world think it is. It might seems foolish to think , but loving is far more than great  feelings for a person who is actually can’t resist to make you smile. It is loving the unlovable, and making room for mistakes. Jesus is the definition of a love that never fails, a love that never ends.



You are the October I mourned for
Because every word you speak is a thorn
And every lies you admit scares me more
You’re the most painful part of my evening
The villain who kills all my living stories
And you keep on skipping a bit of disguise
To let me feel how hard it is to my surprise
To continue loving a story I read a hundred times.


-This will be the end of everything. The end of every pain, sorrow and joy. The end of the life of a mourning soul. The period I always dreamt of. Thank you for hearing all my screams and foolish words. You all made me different at all cost. Forget me now. But always remember all my smiles. Bye-

Little Version of Me


Being a grown up today makes me forget about how life has been good to me when I was younger. I wish, I could be that happy like before. Not thinking about how my future would be or what kind of job I will be getting. All I have now, is a confused soul with bombarded mind. But hey, when I saw this picture, It reminded me of being a child again. A cheerful girl who loves to draw a tree whenever she wants. She always laugh and holds every hand that she’ll see. She dreamt of becoming an astronaut to see how big the planets are. Chewing her candies while doing her homework is a great motivation whenever she get tired writing numbers 1-100. Her simple mind declares championship whenever she plays her barbie dolls. That was me. The younger self I missed. The version of me that I keep on seeking, the innocence about the cruel world or the monstrous people. Hey little girl, would you mind if you come again and hug me? I’ve been tired playing games with this world, I wanna have some rest from all these chaos. I want to caress you and tell you not to grow up fast and enjoy the life ahead of you. Build an empire, and never trust words. Don’t be misled by people with angel faces. Sorry for being weak today but little girl, we’ll be okay someday, I’ll do everything to make you happy again. To bring back that big, sincere smile.

From your adult version,


yah it’s me



Tonight, I only see one star up above the sky. It’s shining like it’s the only thing that shines. Some stars are hiding, but this star, it keeps on looking at me too. It seems like he wanted some sort of conversation, I wanna talk to a star and if I would be given a chance, I’ll ask about how good it is to be welcomed inside the milky way, or how was it being in a vacuum of space, or what kind of planet could be somehow a safe place for me. I wonder if stars are also crying whenever they see some stars dying, how it feels to see other stars bursting into oblivion. Well maybe he’s all alone tonight, or other stars are resting while he’s searching for people to light up. But tonight, I love to see him laughing cause he might be thinking how crazy I am to think about them. Weirdoo

Heart of Solitude


I compensate to my heart yesterday. I felt nothing like there’s a void inside me that has to be filled with art, with peace and most specially, with unending silence. I have never been to a place where my heart has been so happy last time. It jumps like there’s no another day to be filled. I asked my heart if it will be okay if tomorrow, we’ll feel the pain again. She replied, ” Pain is only for a heart who knows how to love”. I was shocked by her words but it comforted me. I never been so in loved with my heart like this before. She was too majestic and powerful than my brain’s manipulative work to all my thoughts. I always love my heart, for from the deepest secret of my thoughts, she never lied.



In a room full of art, I’d still stare at you. Yes, you. You who hurried a life by all means. You, who always believe in a matter of consequences. It might be hard for you to look at yourself in front of the mirror but believe me, you’re a great masterpiece. You are loved and beautiful inside the cage you thought was your safe place. But it’s actually okay. It’ll be okay. Trust me, trust the author. Trust His love and His plans. You might not understand it now, but believing is seeing things that are far too different from what the eyes can see. Feel the art of believing. Believing that there is a story behind the chaos of the strokes and colors an art could give. You are an art. A great masterpiece.



My love for thee will never cease
Tho the rest of my bones gave it up at ease
This love will never end like the shadow
It will surely find me weeping out of of my sorrow
You’ve told me about your dreams that you thought are so shallow
But I saw a planet inside your head that can’t be mellow
Everything was crumpled like the paper I threw in a water that flows
Everything seems so hard to accept for I am messy and low,
But love is as deep as the cross find me on the floor
Knowing that kneeling for a love that never hurts will be worth for more

The Little Prince


The Little Prince —
The prince who once love a rose and won’t get over her. A fox who want to be tamed for him to have a long time friend. Well maybe, being a fox is much better for me, but to be loved like a rose is good and pleasing as you can see it. But actually the little prince who is willing to go back home for his rose will be the best part. He met different people because the rose let him go and having four thorns is enough for the rose to defend herself. Yea, never box yourself just into one person because you might miss knowing how good it would be to learn new things outside your planet. Like the little prince, I’ll continue being weird, exploring the world of different individuals, asking so many questions and enjoying the life wandering about stars. To my little prince, I’ll meet you soon at the desert of africa and we’ll talk about the blackhole. I love you my little prince~