Many times, in this lifetime you will feel lost and you will never be certain of what you want in the future. You’ll experience heartbreaks you did not choose in the first place. You will see yourself crying, begging for help, asking someone to stay. It was endless. This lifetime is a game where the risk of losing one’s sanity is equals to letting go of the people who understands you. But relationships aren’t supposed to be rainbows and candies, there are wars you have to conquer and times where you’re required to let go of your pride. You don’t grow just by ending things. One day, both of you will realized how wonderful it is to have someone who will choose you everyday. And will keep on choosing you even when things get messy. It was unconditional, it was time consuming but someday, love will grow from that lifetime. And you will no longer try to find that same love from another person. Because the idea of loving that person will haunt you everytime, and that’s where we choose to grow.

I Can’t Make You Love Me

You can’t ask for something you can’t give. As I caressed your hair, and as you showed the vulnerable side of you, I couldn’t help but hug you. You removed the mask and showed me the soft side where your fears hide for a very long time now. You held yourself captive into the idea that being alone and being brave is the only choice that you have. I got the chance to see that and it was something I could feel but I couldn’t touch. I was too busy loving you, when all you wanted was some alone time to think about your life too.


We don’t understand the unfamiliar roads we’re forced to take. Because we didn’t like it in the first place. Same as drinking a black coffee when you preferred the mocha latte from the shop uphill. You won’t understand uninvited guests, negative surveys from customers, bad service from the crew, the reasoning from an absent employee. Sometimes we don’t understand because we did not choose to. We’re just seeing the surface because we know what we deserve to get. We know that if we understand it behind the surface, we’re the ones lacking. We’re the cruel ones who judge the situation based on our inconvenience. We didn’t see how it would benefit us in the long run, you didn’t see the beauty of the sunrise because you’re too fond of the sunset. You hated the rain because you’re not waiting for the rainbow. You hated the moon when it’s not around, but you did not even pay attention to the stars. We neglect the little things because we expect so much to get the bigger opportunities. We’re just humans, we grasp what we thought would fit the idea of us loving ourselves. But sometimes, we forgot to love others.


There is nothing more attractive than a guy who knows his worth. Who would insist on greater, bigger steps rather than temporary comfort. Who would not chase a thing without a soul purpose. He would initiate conversations where both of you would agree because he does make sense. His, wit, wisdom, and all he knew was part of him that I couldn’t even imagine would exist from a guy. You’ll give him some time to reach one mile but he’ll do two miles. Crazy isn’t it? And I love his feet walking away from things he knew he doesn’t deserve. He knows what he wants and certain of the things he couldn’t change. Give him a chance, he’ll exceed the expectations. Give him a song, he’ll dance in the corner with a smile and a tune. Truth be told, you cannot scare a guy who knows and already established his worth.


I cooked ramen the way you want it, with some chicken and eggs on it minus the half pack of the spicy flavor cause you just hated spicy foods. Entering the entrance tho I was just too stubborn to enter in the exit part of the 5th floor and I know you hated it. You’re just too good to follow the rules, and I’m just too stubborn to even mind them. I break rules, you remind me of the consequences. Having you in my life needs some toss and turns. And we’re two perfectly imperfect people. Adventures are way just easy for you while sleeping on the couch was my main hobby. I don’t take criticism that much but you always made me realized things for my own sake. I never had someone so caring yet so sophisticated at the same time. And I love the way you make me feel stupid at times because I am, I guess. I won’t deny the fact that I have learned a lot from you in months. But you don’t need a person who just loves you as you are. You need someone you can grow with. As what you have sent me. But what’s the difference? Eh? He meant goals you have to achieve, deadlines you have to meet, plans you have to discuss, and something you can offer that he might need. I’m in a place where I have to figure out the things I wasn’t able to consider before. So many unfamiliar situations that alienated me and somehow made me feel like I have to do better. Yeah, maybe I need to change a lot. Not wanting the dull side of the comfort zone, jumping around the corner of the risk of failing again. Abandoning the old history to make a new story out of scratch. Sometimes it’s hard, but you don’t just simply love the person, you grow with them, sometimes apart.


I always hope people to understand why most of the time, I preferred to be alone, but when my favorite people would ask for some space, I would question it. With lots of whys and whats, how am I gonna function without them? I trust few people and when I do, I’ll cling to them and maybe that was just annoying for them? I think so. Right now, I just let people stay and go but at the end of the day, I was the one left crying. I understand the fact that some people just needs to have their own space, not realizing that they let other people felt so alone on the other side. But yeah maybe I was just too emotional recently. This year I promised myself not to chase people anymore. I know my worth already and I’ll no longer cling to anyone ever again. Peace should start with me and moving forward, I’ve learned to love myself more, and I am not a possession of anyone. I belong to myself.


You don’t remember just the good days. You also remember the creepy ones and that’s okay.
But deep inside, you’re still longing for better days. Na sana masaya naman, sana blank slate ka uli, sana pwede magka amnesia para di mo na maisip lahat ng bad memories.
At the end of the day, you always have to choose yourself. Choose who you will allow to hurt you and to love you. But remember na ikaw at ikaw lang yung magmamahal sa sarili mo. Pabayaan ka man ng mundo.
Always look on where you’re headed and focus on your goals. Take the risk and apply for that position. You will be more successful. Claim it.
Go to places and drink that coffee.
Learn to walk away from things you have no control over. Then try a different approach. You’re not walking away to escape, you’re walking away to find any other possible ways.


I remember you on good days, days when I have to sip a cup of coffee and the weather was fine and cold. But I remember you as well on bad days, days when all the leaves fall and the sun seems to be so harsh with the birds in the middle of the day. I always remember you in all the days I try to live, in all the moments I want to give in. I just missed how you caress my hair and how you cook the best-fried rice. How you keep everything in place and how you say “Duday”. Maybe if you’re still alive, it wouldn’t be this hard. Maybe I still have someone who loves me dearly and will ask how I’m doing because you know how I think, how I react to things. You know it’s hard for me to wake up early in the morning. You memorized my favorite songs I need to recite when I was younger because you know I’m forgetful enough to mind it. You always bring me a fifty peso for me to enjoy the day when you’re not around, and for me, that was so memorable. In the end, even before we sleep, before the day you died, you still smiled back at me. “Duday, please take a rest, you’ve been tired of taking care of me”. I couldn’t forget that day, I know it was your last day, and letting you go will benefit you. Things end, but the forever carved inside our hearts will always remain. To my Inay, I won’t forget to take a rest. To pause, and remember good days with you.

Tap At The Back