Invisible Numb

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Thank you for being a part of what I so called “tragedy”. Thank you for being there enough for me to smile and tell all our favourite stuffs that we only understand. Thank you for lifting up a broken soul out of that line where thoughts of discomfort lies. For all those nights you keep on telling me that life is as good as you can see it. I entered a world where “being myself” is just enough to be accepted by anyone who are willing to join my company. Those childish acts of why we should do a thing or not. You gave me a mirror when all I have was a broken one. I’ll always keep it here, in my heart to see myself again in your eyes. But today, I’ll just remind myself that not everyone who once stay will do it continuosly. Not everyone who told you good stories will remain in your chapters. Not everyone who cares will stay. And I know deep here in my soul, I lost one piece cause I gave one to you and that’s worth a try. I’ll never regret it. Maybe someday when I see you, I would smile, but maybe not, but will I ever see you?

 

– invisible –

 

 

Janeth

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To the girl I always love.

You are the strongest girl I ever know. The greatest gift God could ever give. Your  eyes always shine as it look at people’s good heart rather than their stains. You are indescribable and the best sister I never had. You keep on smiling ,laughing and cherishing every little things because you’re a keeper and if someone would hurt you again, my fists are ready. Yes, maybe there are times that you’re crying for the same reasons but your tears will be my greatest weakness. You don’t deserve all those pains, and tho my shoulders are small, you can still lie on them too. You keep on inspiring me always to be a better person and to live the dreams I dreamnt. Thank you for being my great companion, my bestfriend, my buddy, you will always be my bellcricket. And only both of us could understand what does it mean. I love you and happy birthday.

Still Breathing

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I just keep on strumming until it hurts, until I just stopped. I just loved the way it feels whenever I feel the music out of my chest, it feels like a great comfort and pain in disguise. Reminding myself that these songs I keep on singing will vanish someday, and it will fade into oblivion of nothingness. That everything will be okay, and all those tears of yesterday will be just a random memory of my own myseries. You may be knocked down many times but you can listen. Listen to those people who reminds you how great and awesome you are. Tho sometimes, you will be summoned into memories of betrayal and shame, let the past take care itself. Learn to trust people again and open new doors of hope and friendships, of love and possibilities.

If ever you feel so alone right now, let me tell you this, let’s enjoy the night and listen to ourself, to our own voice that keeps on screaming inside, that keeps on singing our life stories. Listen to yourself and feel free to breath in and out, ohh. That was awesome, yeah like that. You should be happy and dwell into endless dreams of our present situation.

SAFE HAVEN

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I know you’ve been tired asking yourself if forgiveness will be worth a try. If forgiveness will be better if you just try, but yes, forgive them but never stay again. Stay to those dark moments of should I forgive or forget, should I give a chance or not, but no, believe me, you are worth the risk. No matter how long you will be healed or how many times you forgive, never come back to the place where things get broken and bruised. Never beg for a stare or a chance to make everyone stay. Never let yourself be killed by your own kindness by showing your vulnerable, undecided heart.

You’ve been torn apart, so guard your heart and be at peace. Keep yourself from being inlove with the devil’s smile. Do not keep an eye to an angel face looking at you that was truly a lie. Do not come back and be gone for a while. Learn to forgive yourself because there’s nothing wrong with you. There is nothing worth a third chance in this world. We all mess up but forgiveness is an equivalent equation to freedom, so forgive then begin again.

Begin again and learn from all those years that taught you to be brave, to be forgiving and strong. You’ve been tired, and that’s okay. Stars still shine at day.

You are the Song

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Those who wish to sing will always find a song.

While I was strumming the guitar, I feel my heartbeat, trying to conquer the tunes and the lyrics that I keep on hiding for years now. I always thought that music will be my great escape to a world who never listens. But no, it’s my great tower of hope. Music is all I’ve got in times of loneliness and despair, bringing myself into endless world of chords and words. You could be anyone inside a song, inside the scenes of your own memories. It eludes you and gives the essence of life while you’re being captivated from your own fears.

Music is my bestfriend. It has been my turning point whenever people shut me down. And as I keep on strumming, I always hear myself crying inside my quiet soul, inside that soul that keeps on screaming for help, for love and for attention. I couldn’t help but change chords overtime, to feel its tune as I sing the song that my heart keeps on singing. Until the music fades and all I have was a broken string. A string that I used to ease the pain, the sorrow, the fear.But this doesn’t really stop me from singing, it won’t stop me from believing, that these strings could still find music inside. My heart beats, my veins are living, my blood flows, and I’m still breathing.

In the silence of solitude, I heard myself making it’s own music through my body, through this emptiness, through this time. I heard myself speaking the same line, singing the same songs, and listening to my own voice of silence. This is my song,, the unspoken truth of song. The undetermined tunes that keeps on breaking all of the records. I am an artist of my own.

Mold me

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You can’t grow a dead flower.
You may be the busiest person on earth but you can’t bring back what is already gone. A broken vase will never be whole again, but its form will forever be glass. You may be broken down, but your form will be forever human blood and soul. You may be torn out but your form will be forever good and wonderful. You may be different through time but you will be the same form you were yesterday. You can’t be just as who you are because you are formed to be different. You are formed to do incredible things. You might not know, but before you were formed in your mother’s womb, God already knew you. You’re basically formed and not destroyed. You are formed, shaped and cared because you are whole. No one can destroy that form. You’ll be shape differently here in this world, but you can’t escape the reality of how God formed you. You are whole. Yes you are. No matter how hard to consider changes, but changes are creative aspects of the world. You will be changed, the way you speak, run, dance, sing, think, love and even decide. But you are already formed. Your name is written in His hands and believe me, you are whole. He’s just MOLDING YOU. You’re not broken. You are whole. Trust the potter, YOU ARE A CLAY.

Things I’ll Keep In Mind

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1. This is the ultimate year to leave what is behind and strain forward for what is ahead. Do not dwell in the past and stop replaying all those scenarios in your head. You are not bound to look back and beg for a stare.

2. Love people but show them that you are worthy of respect; do not let yourself be taken for granted. Loving yourself is the door to make people love you. if you don’t love yourself, then what do you expect from other people?

3. It is okay to be weak and a cry baby sometimes. But do it privately. Best times are the times when you could dry your own tears and be strong for yourself. You don’t always need someone to cry on. God is enough.

4. You just have to be true to yourself, whatever you wanna say to anyone, be honest and tell them. No matter how hurtful words may seem, it’s okay to be honest and admit what’s wrong

5. Respect other people’s time. Do not be late. If you could respect their time, then you’re a keeper. Do I make sense?

6. You can be what you want to be. People became miserable when they can’t achieve what they want, so do the best and bring back the crown.

7. Not everyone can be trusted. Well, don’t trust yourself either, because sometimes being so fully confident of yourself could be suffocating. Do not trust yourself if you doubt a little, and do not trust  people easily if you don’t know them well.

8. It’s okay to say no. It’s not a crime to say no, you better say it right instead of making them expect anything from you. That will really hurts for them.

9. let your yes be yes and your no be no. If you said yes or no, be faithful to your promises. People are great thinkers and if you break their trust, then you’re … 

10. Love yourself and never doubt about what you can achieve. When it comes to dream, be constant and never regret achieving things even if it still unclear.

11.. Submit to Authorities. No matter who they are, leaders should be respected. That’s the rule.

12. Optimism is a choice. Positivity is a great motivation.

13. Never be fooled by anyone. Never, ever, ever, ever be fooled by anyone, even those who are making fake accounts just to fool you. Yikes, 

14. Never stop learning.Keep on reading and improve yourself in every aspects of life, there might be some “jack of all trades” thingy but atleast.

15.Be different, do not conform to the standards of this world. Trends can be foolish sometimes, but focus on what is beneficial than what is trending.

16. The best is yet to come. Do not settle for less. Never.

17. Failure is normal, it’s actually a great teacher. Failure is part of a great success. So cheer up cause it doesn’t mean that you’re a failure.

18.Do not let anyone look down on you because you are young. Maturity is not about your age, and being young doesn’t mean being  a nobody. Stand up for yourself.

19. Be matured but never forget to keep that child-like-faith. That faith will help you hope for better days and great outcomes.

20.Always pray for a discerning spirit, because heart can be deceiving. Heart will deceive you every time you feel like it’s the right thing, but you’ll regret after, because you’ll be deceive. 

21. Be nice for no reason. Simple as that.

22. Never chase for anyone to stay in your life, Let them go, they don’t deserve you. 

23. Let God steal the show, Bring Him all the glory,praise ad honor. You own nothing. Let him be glorified, His name, not your name. 

24.If you did good, do not let anyone know that. Crystal clear, cause if you really want to help, why would you let anyone know? But maybe for some sort of inspiration, but never brag for it. it won’t help.

25. Be confident to show the world what you’ve got. 

Dream That Counts

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I am a daydreamer, looking beyond perfection, pretending that I’m a great robot that could manage to time travel. And that’s great, Whoahh. But you know that it’s impossible. Really impossible, but why do people limit themselves to dream big dreams?

My original dream is to be an architect, cause I really loved it whenever I see buildings, great landscapes and even wonderful houses sketched in a paper or in a blueprint. Ohh, I don’t know what I’m talking about    right now but yeah, that was just a dream. I was about to pursue that dream and I had already passed an entrance exam at TUP back then, but my mother refused. She basically hate my decision. That time, I was really frustrated and regretful because of all the possibilities that might come my way, but never mind. Right now, I am about to graduate next year as an AB COMM major and I actually love that course though. I am really into writing, journalism, film making, photography and other stuff, but my failure to pursue what I want seems very unclear. I feel empty and a bit sad, because since I regret not to fight for that course, I stopped drawing anything.

Eventually, one simple move could change a dreamer’s choice, but at least you tried your best, may be your best isn’t good enough, but don’t feel bad. You might think about the possibilities if you fight for your right to dream, yes you failed to reach that but that doesn’t mean that God will not prepare something good on your way.  Dreams must be limitless, no matter how small you dream, no matter how rough the world has become, dreaming will be your great escape, your great hope, that someday, you will be the person you wanted to become. That someday, you’ll be great, better than you already imagined. Keep on dreaming, no matter how stupid it may look for some people, work silently, then achieve tremendously. You never know that the struggles you experienced will be other people’s great inspiration.

I changed my dreams, not because it’s unreachable but because God has a greater plan, He could bring good music out of a broken chords and that’s what I loved about His plans for me. It is different from mine, it’s uniquely made, I would definitely follow our game plan. No matter how hard, no matter how far. I’ll create my own world of wonders, then rock the world with a smile.

Thank You.

The God of Every Story

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We are our own enemy sometimes.

We used to believed in fairy tales, dream about the unicorns and the life-giving fruits. We are programmed to believe in every stories we used to admire, until reality kicked us back. Now that I am awakened by the love that captured me again, I will abide and stay here. In the heart of my KING, my God. To the Father who never gives up no matter how foolish I was or how how sinful I became. Some people might not understand but, being raised in a family where perfection is necessary, I used to rebel and break rules. I’m not a perfect daughter, nor a perfect friend. Those things are just part of the little pieces of why I write this.

My stories are not the same as the other people used to show in social media, my stories are different, it did not coincides with the plot you’re thinking about. This is a story of a prodigal daughter that keeps on running away but comes back after. Yeah, that’s me. A daughter who’s not perfect but willing to be disciplined. Some condemned me, how I behave, how I think, how I serve, how MY FAITH becomes out of line. I just couldn’t accept the rude expectations of people, but I will stay. Stay to that unfailing love of the Father who never condemned me but accepts me. Who never gives up but always making a way to win me back.

Living in this world, where your story must be the standard of this world, I left the course. I won’t be skipping the process of HIS plans. Though it may be hard for me to cross the oceans of all tears, I will. Because I know that it will be worth the fight. I don’t wanna live my life again but I will let the Lord live in me. To show the world that real glory belongs to THE ONE TRUE KING. To the one who loves a sinful daughter like me. Who humbled himself to the cross just to save me. He is the God of my stories. Who is the author and publisher of my life.

Fear

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When I was in Elementary, I am afraid to try anything that will surely welcome me to certain changes that I am scared of. Until one day, I tried. I tried writing an article about why do I wanted to join our school newspaper. I never expect that my teacher would notice my way of delivering my thoughts into writing. Even I, did not believed in myself right then. But he trust me. I was assigned to the feature articles and I am really scared that time to write a new article that would make another impact. Someone believed in me. Someone tried to notice me. That was the happiest moment of my elementary days. We were trained and I almost skipped classes to write endlessly because I will be the school’s representative for feature writing contest for the district level. That was my first time and I experienced having my article crumpled in front of me because that was not a good one. I almost doubt that time if I could really make it. Like, hey, I never been to any School’s Press Conference before. Some of my colleagues were really good at writing but I feel small about myself that time. My mom did not even support me to join cause she told me that I can’t do that.( but we’re good now).

Until the day of judgement came. Haha.
Butterflies in my stomach did not stop bothering me and I’m fucking nervous and my hands were shaking. We only have 1 hour to write an article about our unforgettable experience. I chose to write about our vacation in Bi col( but actually that was my grandfather’s burial that time, but I never mentioned that). I feel low after writing that piece but I have to trust God. After 2 hours, my teacher hugged me. And that was the warmest hug I ever had. He thanked me and told me that I was the champion. I cried that time because I never imagined myself winning that place. I was just a girl who tried to pass an article, but. I was just speechless. While I was crying, I thanked Sir. Vidallo for believing that I could really be a cream of the crop. He’s the first teacher who inspired me to get out of my comfort zone.
Thank you Sir. for trusting a shy introvert student like me. And if you’re dreaming a little make it bigger. Make it something that will shock anyone who’s been looking down on you. That was the beginning of my journey. On how I overcome my own fears. That by trying something new, I realized how good it is to leave mediocrity and embrace challenges.