My story isn’t about just words that come up to my head and clicked by my hand.
It is different from yours. Yet it’s ironic to be true. People in my life changes and it can never be stopped. Change is the only constant thing in this world. What if I could bring back the past? On how happy or simple life could be? If only I could. Noticing these things makes me wanna cry cause it’s the opposite of joy I have had before. As I grew old, everything seems complicated and miserable and I was thinking if it would be my punishment for all the things I did wrong. But no, I still believe that it’s still part of the ” GREAT PLAN” .
When things get wrong and you have no one to talk to, write. When sadness haunts you to cry alone, then write. And whenever you’re feeling like life is so unfair to be like this, write. This will be my escape, to a world that has been so tiring and nerve breaking. To a life that became an endless screams of why people destroys one another. To a heart that has been deceived and torn out so many times. Just write. Then give the piece of yourself to empty words and cracking voice. Be at peace now. Inhale and exhale. Everything you’ve been praying for will be answered. There may be pain in the night but remember that joy comes in the morning. Let those smiles change the way the morning comes. And never let the dark drag you again into the pit of despair and loneliness. Fear the idea of waking up and crying again. Know that you worth every second of your life. Feel the moment while hope rises. This day is your day and something good is going to happen. Believe in your dreams as you catch them with the grasp of the hands that has been stocked in your pocket. Don’t be afraid to try the things that could make you happy. Share what you have and fight for what really belongs to you. Now that you’ve heard these words, hear me out.
You are not alone-fighting to live a life. Everyone here is struggling, I could prove you that what you’ve been doing to please the crowd won’t do anything good to you. You’re only feeding your ego while forgetting yourself in a trash. Life is beautiful to be lived by you. And if you’re a booger, I tell you , I’ll first choose you and get you out there. Enjoy your own company. Read books, listen to Mandisa, share good memories, drink healthy, eat healthy and smile like there’s no tomorrow. You could be anyone inside the beauty of your dreams. You’re a princess, but hell yeah I forgot that you’re already the queen. Are you okay now? .
Seeing myself from the past 3 years makes me wanna laugh so hard because I really don’t imagine myself being like this. Many things have changed and writing to this piece of paper would be a part. I’ve been reading books and it really brought me to some places I never imagined. Just try to see me and I will probably show you my smile. Being who i am really makes me thank God how great he is for molding and creating me like this. perfection is not my goal in this life and if you’re going to ask me, no, I’m not that beautiful. Just kidding. Being beautiful requires great confidence that no matter how you look, how curvy , how straight or curly you are, you are totally awesome(suweeg) and I will turn you into ashes if you don’t agree.
I never been so overly confident about this topic because I could say that there are still some insecurities that lies in me. There would be times that I’ll just go to my room and look at the mirror, punch my face and then evaporate. It’s just like that, I really have to accept my flaws the way I accept that life is fair. Believe me, being one of the victims of bullying makes me wanna cry an ocean because it really hurts to reminisce those awful moments. When I was in grade one, my classmates always threatened me that if I’m not going to give them the answers in our exams they’ll surely give me a hard time outside the school. Giving them the answers is cheating. Guilt is what I feel beyond that situation but after all those years being used by people at an early age, it really makes me stand for what I believe in, to fight for integrity. Now that I am now in College, I can’t really tolerate cheating, because I only understand how it feels like you’re being used and then after that, they won’t need you anymore. That would be the sad part.
Many times in my life that I could clearly remember those faces, using me because it would benefit them. Being mean to me and blaming for mistakes I did not do anyway. That was the hell out of life in my world. But being a new person, I learned to be cruel for me to be kind. People always think that it’s always okay to hurt me because I’m too nice. You heard that right. I am too nice that I chose to do anything they want, for me to be accepted and loved. But I received nothing. Speaking of receiving, I do receive some love from few people that I considered a human being. They are the best people that inspired me to do good things and have accepted me for who I was before. Needless to say, I am weak and this weakness made me strong and brave enough to win a debate. I could say that these circumstances molded me to be who I am .If you’re reading this right now and you feel bad about yourself, then you better jump and shout because that was a lie. You are beautiful and strong enough to mend a broken life. Start with yours.
Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry alone.
That was a quote I have read a while ago from the book entitled, ” Through the Dark Woods”. That was a pretty good read actually and if your looking for answers on how to overcome all kinds of depression, you better check it out. You’ll never regret. If you’re going to ask me why I read that book, then I must say because I am one with the author. Thinking about depression makes my mind cripple into thought of helplessness and sadness. To be specific, deep sadness. Whenever I feel like doing something, I always do it great but I’m tired emotionally so sorry for being like this. Facing realities in life is never shameful as usual but holding into hope that someday, everything will be fine is quite hard to accept. But to look positive, I’ll be going to cheer myself up so that I could move forward to what’s ahead.
Little did people knew that I was thinking about how hard life is. It’s because they seemingly see a great person on the outside yet broken soul inside. Explaining it would sound weird but not all things can be understood all at once. Try to think of it. Now that I refuse to go to school today because I’m not really feeling well, or should I say, I’m broke and music will be my escape right now. Though things get wrong at the first place, I know that better things are yet to come. Yes, I know it’s not the end of everything. Sometimes being a failure teaches me to grow and stand strong though the world don’t feel like I am living here in this planet. Sadly, there are people who will try to drag you down to the ground until you have no choice but quit. Life doesn’t stop there. There will also be people who will jokingly discuss all your flaws and mock you whenever they want. Surprisingly, I will still love the way they do it cause it defines who they are: pity on you little minds. Society already set the standards that people usually used to judge one another and create silent monsters inside them until it bursts like dragons and eat them alive. That would be the case. But as you can see, we don’t stop there neither. After destroying other humans, they’ll make a move to destroy themselves too, to be the advocate of self -hate.
What they did to one another neither help nor encourage them to grow, but still they change. That change makes them a better person. A good and more compassionate person. Reality is, you will never know how it feels to be like them if you d0 not experienced it yourself. Try to be kind to anyone, even the little ones or the old ones. Once you get the wisdom of loving then you will start to see good in every people even though how many times they tried to show you how rude they are. This is the secret of living a life. Be considerate to one another, loving the unlovable and giving chance to those who are willing to change. You’ll find peace if you forgive. So do it anyway.