To live is to risk it all. And to meet people who seems different for everyone is a choice. But to have a deep conversation with them is a catch. I met a lot of people this year and I’ve came to this kind of topic because this year taught me how to judge less. Yeah, less because I don’t want to be a hypocrite here to say that I can’t resist to judge anyone anymore. So here it goes, I met a lot of strangers. Well I called them strangers before because I don’t usually talk to some people I am afraid of. Forgive me. Well before, I hate people who are drunkards, those who have big tattoos in every part of their body, those who even smoke. But when I started to get to know them, I realized something. I’m a total crap for judging them! I used to be afraid of people I never want to be with , but when you realized that good people can’t only be considered when they go to church, sheesh. I lost the chance to love the people God really wants me to love. I lost the courage to know these people one by one because I’m afraid of the dark. Of the smoke, of the noise of the world. These people matter. They are not the strong easy go lucky people you might see on the street while they’re tipsy. They’re broken people looking for a love that fills the void inside them. And maybe, this is the kind of love only God could give. I keep on hearing their rants in the middle of the night, laughing with their jokes while some of them almost cried. I feel how hard it is to find something you cannot find. To long for something you don’t not know yourself. To feel empty all alone. To shut down the door of courage of peace. I’ve been there before but in a different situation. As I smell the second hand smoke from people that Jesus died for, I realized how the Lord cried in blood tears with His agony before the Father. Jesus showed me the love that never judge. A love of acceptance of different people just like what He did to His disciples. I just imagined Jesus sitting with them too, hearing all of their rants about life and hug them one by one. I don’t know why the Lord allow me to meet all these people but one thing is for sure. Jesus wanted to be known. Use me.
Forgiveness is forgiving the person while you were hurting. It seems foolish to hear this thing but it’s true. Yea, people’s great default is that, we will only forgive the person if they suffered long from their mistakes or if they changed for our pretty pathetic standards. That is the kind of forgiveness I’ve been praying for. A KIND OF HEART THAT NEVER KEEPS RECORDS OF WRONGS. I hated people in my life who put a huge bag of pain inside me, they all sucks in reality but the Lord is just knocking my heart to learn the right way of loving his people. It all starts from saying sorry for all the things that grieves you and giving a chance for the people who abandoned you. This is foolishness for the world and I heard demons below the earth whispering that people don’t deserve my heart. But the Lord prevails. The Lord demonstrate a love that never hates, a love that forgives while he was hurting. He even demonstrates love by sacrificing his life and humbling down to this sinful world to save people who will crown him with thorns, who will dishonor him by tearing his clothes, who will mock him in front of people, THIS IS THE KIND OF LOVE WE DESERVE. This is the kind of love that I keep on dreaming. Now I’m in the middle of it all, He forgave me not because of any good works but because He genuinely love me to die for my sins. Let’s all come back to our first love.
I’m a girl who doesn’t need anyone’s attention. I may be clingy to my friends but I often hates conversation. Smiling would be my great way of telling you I’m fine but whenever you see me doodling at the corner, that would be a good time to talk. People used to tell me that I’m nice but there’s a devilish grin inside me whenever someone betrayed me for the second time. Most of the time, I’ll choose my alone time rather than hanging out with friends. My voice is small but whenever I started speaking, I wonder why people listens.
I love fantasies rather than reality but action movie for me is a ‘no’. Things get hard for me during summer but it feels good when it rains. I loved reading inspirational stories but I hated mysteries.
When you’re in pain, you thought that the world was too close to drag you down the earth’s mantle. But hey, cheer up! I was told before that chapters are just stories divided into sub categories of beginning, climax and the end. But I love to continue reading the climax for me to give the right ending. You should not try believing the ending of the books you have read. No. Don’t believe that the author intends to kill his characters. I believe that somewhere in the heart of an author, there is a place where he also want happy ending stories. But for the sake of the readers, they will make you cry by creating characters who will die over and over again in your imagination. I love reading tragic stories. It makes me feel that I don’t have the most tragic situation in life. But whenever I see myself inside the book they have written, it feels like I’m being trapped with commas, periods and all the phrases. I couldn’t get out from the idea of being the same person that was the product of ink and paper. I know that it will hurt me soon, to live with the characters from their chapters, but books are far more better than people. It will never betray me. By the way, He holds the pen.
Love is more that just an emotion that creeps in when we see someone that is the exact person we thought was the one. it’s more than just pretty faces and good habits , or even the qualities of an ideal guy or girl the society has been dreaming. Love is loving even if it’s inconvenient for you, love is about understanding all the given mistakes with grievances but joy follows. Love is about being unconditional, being joyous in the middle of anger, being patient when you were asked to wait for a longer time. Love is not what the world think it is. It might seems foolish to think , but loving is far more than great feelings for a person who is actually can’t resist to make you smile. It is loving the unlovable, and making room for mistakes. Jesus is the definition of a love that never fails, a love that never ends.
You are the October I mourned for
Because every word you speak is a thorn
And every lies you admit scares me more
You’re the most painful part of my evening
The villain who kills all my living stories
And you keep on skipping a bit of disguise
To let me feel how hard it is to my surprise
To continue loving a story I read a hundred times.
-This will be the end of everything. The end of every pain, sorrow and joy. The end of the life of a mourning soul. The period I always dreamt of. Thank you for hearing all my screams and foolish words. You all made me different at all cost. Forget me now. But always remember all my smiles. Bye-
Being a grown up today makes me forget about how life has been good to me when I was younger. I wish, I could be that happy like before. Not thinking about how my future would be or what kind of job I will be getting. All I have now, is a confused soul with bombarded mind. But hey, when I saw this picture, It reminded me of being a child again. A cheerful girl who loves to draw a tree whenever she wants. She always laugh and holds every hand that she’ll see. She dreamt of becoming an astronaut to see how big the planets are. Chewing her candies while doing her homework is a great motivation whenever she get tired writing numbers 1-100. Her simple mind declares championship whenever she plays her barbie dolls. That was me. The younger self I missed. The version of me that I keep on seeking, the innocence about the cruel world or the monstrous people. Hey little girl, would you mind if you come again and hug me? I’ve been tired playing games with this world, I wanna have some rest from all these chaos. I want to caress you and tell you not to grow up fast and enjoy the life ahead of you. Build an empire, and never trust words. Don’t be misled by people with angel faces. Sorry for being weak today but little girl, we’ll be okay someday, I’ll do everything to make you happy again. To bring back that big, sincere smile.
From your adult version,
yah it’s me
Tonight, I only see one star up above the sky. It’s shining like it’s the only thing that shines. Some stars are hiding, but this star, it keeps on looking at me too. It seems like he wanted some sort of conversation, I wanna talk to a star and if I would be given a chance, I’ll ask about how good it is to be welcomed inside the milky way, or how was it being in a vacuum of space, or what kind of planet could be somehow a safe place for me. I wonder if stars are also crying whenever they see some stars dying, how it feels to see other stars bursting into oblivion. Well maybe he’s all alone tonight, or other stars are resting while he’s searching for people to light up. But tonight, I love to see him laughing cause he might be thinking how crazy I am to think about them. Weirdoo
I compensate to my heart yesterday. I felt nothing like there’s a void inside me that has to be filled with art, with peace and most specially, with unending silence. I have never been to a place where my heart has been so happy last time. It jumps like there’s no another day to be filled. I asked my heart if it will be okay if tomorrow, we’ll feel the pain again. She replied, ” Pain is only for a heart who knows how to love”. I was shocked by her words but it comforted me. I never been so in loved with my heart like this before. She was too majestic and powerful than my brain’s manipulative work to all my thoughts. I always love my heart, for from the deepest secret of my thoughts, she never lied.
In a room full of art, I’d still stare at you. Yes, you. You who hurried a life by all means. You, who always believe in a matter of consequences. It might be hard for you to look at yourself in front of the mirror but believe me, you’re a great masterpiece. You are loved and beautiful inside the cage you thought was your safe place. But it’s actually okay. It’ll be okay. Trust me, trust the author. Trust His love and His plans. You might not understand it now, but believing is seeing things that are far too different from what the eyes can see. Feel the art of believing. Believing that there is a story behind the chaos of the strokes and colors an art could give. You are an art. A great masterpiece.