Yeah, It is really okay to be weak sometimes, to be on your knees begging for some chance that you promised you”ll surely do. Perhaps, not every people gives a second chance. Most of them are tired of hearing your unending promises and that’s the reality my dear. BUT it is really okay to cry, to give up and to move forward. It is okay to feel down, to realized that you’ll never get everything you want. Knowing that you have the courage to fight, some people will not gonna fight with you. You sometimes fought alone and that’s okay. Tho many scars you have right now indicates how you survived from all those battles, it still hurts right? And I will tell you right now that you are not alone. You are not alone facing those kind of pain, desperately trying to give out all those efforts to heal but still not enough.
But our stories will never get old, I will still hope for the day that these wounds that have been so long to be healed will soon disappear. That all these painful words you curved here in my heart will be a masterpiece. That all these memories that reminds me how weak I was will just become a part of my history. That all these words I am typing right now will become the rhythm of my past. I’m not gonna take myself out of this dark room. Because someday, someone will turn on the lights and show me that it is worth it. That I am now free. Free from all those heartbreaking truths that you make me believe. I will be free. Yes I will,, and if someday, only scars can be seen, only smile can be captured, I will thank you for those dark days you made me feel. I will thank you for those tears I cried to ease the pain. It is okay to be weak sometimes, if being strong is all you did for a long time.
To the one I once loved.
Thank you for leaving. Thank you for reminding me how awful it is to be with you. Thank you for the realization that I am enough, that tho you quit, I finally proved myself that I’m not a quitter. Thank you for those crazy memories we’ve shared together while you’re playing my heart to be crushed. Thank you for those unending chitchats and foolish talk we had. I’m thankful that you left. I have many reasons to be thankful and I’ll continue until it hurts no more. Thank you for believing that I can be easily fooled, that whenever you make me feel stupid by following you, I realized that I am indeed foolish. Foolish to the idea of love. To that crap that I’ve been dreaming since you came. But thank you for those advices that hit me and actually made a diffeence. Thank you for changing me into a new person that will never be dragged down whenever they want. Thank you for those immeasurable gifts of self-worth that I received from you but makes me feel so small. Thank you for all those things that made me realized that I don’t need to be validated by you. That my worth isn’t about how you see me but how I see myself as a person. I hate you but thank you.
You have to deal with your own darkness. Sometimes, it took a lot of pain for you to believe that there’s a cure. It took a lot of scar to understand that beauty is from within. And it took a lot of time to realize that happiness isn’t found in one person. There may be questions that you keep on asking yourself, but still left unanswered. Some answers that you thought would be the real ones are just pretentious lies to make you believe that it’s meant to be. You have to deal with your own darkness. I will tell you that you are enough. Nothing’s wrong with you, no don’t ever think that you will never be loved. No, don’t ever think that you’re not worthy of all the respect you always dreamnt of. No. Don’t try to illuminate yourself into thinking that no one will love you again. You are beautiful, my dear self. You are indeed wonderful.
We have our own unique types of pain. Perhaps, those pain are incredible. Isn’t it? Overcoming those kind of heartbreaking experience is a relief, but how to deal with suicidal thoughts when the STORY YOU WERE ON MAY NOT EVEN BE A BETTER FEELING TO YOURSELF. That the fact that you yourself know the stories you’ve been enduring for the past few months are silently killing you inside. Pain. Demands. To. Be. Felt.
And if ever you’re dealing with your own kind of darkness right now, let’s hope. Yes, hope, that someday, soon we’ll be free. From all the chains that binds us into thinking that we are not enough. That we don’t deserve it. Let’s be hopeful, but endure it. Endure everynight of silent screams and endless cries. Endure it. Then cry again, write again, it’s okay. I’ts okay to be a sucker sometimes, it’s okay to be weak and admit how foolish you became. It’s okay to deal with all those sharp words that breaks your heart. Yeah, it’s fucking okay. To learn to let go and move on. It’s okay. It’s okay. Don’t let yourself feel the same pain. It’s okay. Pick yourself up. Wipe those tears. It’s okay to be in that dark sometimes.
Tara mag shift!
Para to sa mga kapwa ko studyante na nag stop at buhay Irreg😭
Tapos na yung mga paghihirap ko. Nag stop ako oo, at pagbalik ko uli para magpatuloy, boom! Iba na yung curriculum. Buti na lang yun parin ung akin, pero di natapos lahat dun. Dun ko naransan yung salitang “pasensya” add ng subjects dito, petition doon, papirma dito , papirma doon. Hanapin si sir, hintayin si Maam, gawa ka letter, balik na lang bukas. Minsan pa may major subject na kasabay ng time ng thesis. Hatiin ang katawan bes, no choice kailangan kunin ng sabay😭dagdag pa yung pitong major na subjects with matching thesis on the side of the road. Haha. Mahirap. Mahirap lahat pero worth it. Alam mo yung gigising ka ng maaga na ikaw lagi mag aadjust, no choice di mo sila close😂 Yung sakit ng re defense? Pero eto tandaan mo, di dahil nag redefense ka, bobo ka. Di yun yung mag dedefine sa pagkatao mo.
Nag stop lang ako, pero di ibig sabihin nun mtatapos na lahat ng pangarap ko. Nagpatuloy ako at kahit ano pa yung mga consequences ng pagtigil na yun, “thankful” ako kase may mga taong di ako pinabayaan, yung mga nagpalakas ng loob ko kahit parang “hopeless na yung situation. Yung kahit na di ko na alam yung outcome ng desisyon ko, nandyan pa rin sila para tumulong. Yung mga taong nagturo sakin na, di lang ako hanggang dito. Yung mga nagtiwala na kaya ko. Kahit na pinag shishift ako ng prof ko nung first year dahil di daw bagay sakin yun course ko dahil sobrang tahimik ko, graduate na po ko sir at di yun sukatan ng pagiging abcomm. Gusto ko sabihing tahimik ako pero hindi ako tahimik lang. Para to sa teacher ko nung elementary na unang naniwala na kaya ko. Para sa mama at tatay ko na di kami pinabayaan na di matupad yung pangarap namin. Para sa adviser ko na isang inspirasyon. Na di sumuko hanggang matuto kami👌 Sa Lord na di ako pinabayaang malugmok sa lahat ng trials na naganap sa buhay ko. The best ka Lord at di ako nagsisising nagtiwala ako sayo. You’re the best Father Abba❤️. Delayed graduation is never shameful. At di porket nag stop ka di mo na itutuloy.
Tara mag shift🤣
April fools next year pa ko ga graduate