Not Good Enough

Some were saying that I’m lucky to have a camera, yet I don’t use it with passion. Passion requires you some drive to go and show the world what you’ve got, but not because I wasn’t posting photos showing how I used my camera doesn’t mean that I’m an idiot and I don’t know how to use it assholes✌ peace yow. I just hated the fact that they want me to prove something. Duhhhhh people duhhhhh. Whatever!. But their words inspired me to go, get my life in to that mediocre world that hide me for years. 

There are too many critics in this world  but choose people who could appreciate you. I am my own judge  and if being good enough gives you the permission to insult people, then go and deal with it. You will reap what you sow someday. 

Happy Valentines Dear

Hey we celebrate valentines day today with bitterness ohh come on pips. Lots of guys brought flowers and chocolates while the single people suffered in jealousy( well, not all of them exclude me😂). Actually celebrating this kind of “season of love” is really great for all of us. We taught about the person we cherish and greet them with baloons, cakes, chocolates even witg cards. Carved in a piece of paper are words beyond “i love you” sarranghae”, “te amo”, it sumo” or whatever language you could probably use to tell them how you sincerely love them. I’m into writing valentines cards since I was a child back then, until now, I still do. I’ve wrote 3 letters to my 3 special friends. I’m glad they appreciate it.😚 For someone who always wanted to be loved back, that’s quite made my day. Ohh we also have our meeting for sine-dokyu festival and I loved the team effort. We named our production into something that really defined us, “PLACID” haha that was good. Cause almost everyone of us are quiet . Haha. 

Then we sink..

Let’s go back to our Valentines. Though people would think of it as a simple day of giving gifts and love, for me, it’s an epidemic. You heard it right!. It’s an epidemic of unavoidable, undescribable type of love. You don’t know when you would fall inlove with people. It just come out ! Out of the blue! That was awesome! We really looked beyond perfection and sees the one we loved that they are irreplacable. That they are indeed good at making us fall into their endless magic that brings us into paradise of joy and gratitude. Feeling it until it burst into the motion of our cellulite and every nerves that connects us into our senses. Do I make sense here? Well it’s my blog anyway, I don’t care. Love is not a war between races of people. White or black, Christian or Muslim, Straight or Homosexual. Hey people, it’s about loving anyway. God doesn’t ask you to be perfect to be loved. He loves us no matter who we are. 

Woderfully Made

Good things come to those who patiently wait and since valentines is near,then I’m going to go with this topic. This may sound cliche’ but have you experienced being inlove with yourself? Or should I say, have you fallen inlove with yourself several times? Haha. Just to make it exciting, let’s do some meditation about our own being. 
Loving yourself requires acceptance of everything that God has already given you. The Lord did not make a mistake creating your flat, pointed nose or whatever it looks like. He created it with a greater purpose. Little did you know how many people on this earth loved that kind of nose. I’m kidding. But seriously, everyone deserves a piece of acceptance to appreciate every fabric of our souls. I love the way mandisa gave inspiration to those black women whose been battling with self acceptance. Even Beth Moore whose been best seller for her book “So Long Insecurities”. Reading books promoting self-love is just good for our soul. It’s better than anything. Haha. Girls struggle with what real beauty looks like. Do we need to look like Kim Kardasian? What about Selena Gomez? If we’re going to be like them then should we be satisfied?.

In the Philippines, we see Liza Soberano as one of the most beautiful whether with or without make up. She’s naturally beautiful. To be honest, most of our atists here are half blood. They were vampires!. Hahha. Just joking. They have blood from their foreign mother/father. That was totally the nature here in choosing artists, ” they should be beautiful”. That was the standard of beauty that most of us pursues . Because we think that it might help us be loved by everybody. But remember, even Liza has bashers. It may not too serious to talk about but advertisements created standards on what products we should used. There comes so many products that promises to have whiter or pimple free skin. Supplements that could loose pounds or syrups that could make you grow like the Paras brothers. Yikes.

People pursue to be “what they see on television” where in reality, even fake beauty can be edited. Figures can be deceitful. That’s how advertisements work, they would make us believe that being beautiful and pimple free is important. That being white is being beautiful. Being tall is great. You’re ugly when you don’t wear make up. You’re not pleasing when you’re fat or thin. You’re a boy if you don’t have bigger boobs. Oh come on people, let’s stop being so perfectionist. Embrace yourself for how original you can be. I always ended up believing this:

” You are fearfully and wonderfully made”

Believe me, you are indeed woderful. You’re suweeeeeg. You’re unique and no one could replace being you in this world. No matter how you look, be confident. You reign on your own whether with or without people making you feel loved.

Hey woderful, smile!

Weaker Version

You can’t be rude, unless you don’t know that person well. While hearing those stories, it makes me.wanna cry for a moment. Those are not just ordinary life stories. Actually I never met people like them whose life have been so hard? I can’t say if it was hard but needless to say, they’re funny and happy whenever you’ll see them giggling with their friends. Instead of remembering those pretty hard moments they tend to laugh and show the world that they can’t be defeated. I really loved them because of that. Seeing  weaker version of them shows me that I should be nicer to people even though how rude or miserable they treated me. Yes, they could hurt me but understanding them behind their mask is  great compassion. We sometimes say what negative thoughts we have for a person without trying to know them deeply. Maybe this is just one of the nature of human endeavor,

“If it doesn’t please us, we choose hate”

Instead of love, we hate a person based on how they looked? How they impress or hurt us. How they talked? Based on their english speaking skills, on how rich or poor they are, how they dress, how skinny? What degrees they have and most especially how good they are. 

We forget to look beyond the curtains of life. And deny the fact that without those degree in college, beautiful face, skinny skin, fabulous dress, money and their skills , they won’t be the same person anymore. We created labels on how we should judge or perceive someone. If they did not pass your standard, then they’ll be the lowest people that you could drop down on the ground if ya know how to be a devil. 

Whenever I passed by people whether inside the malls or on the streets, I wanted to say how much I valued their existence. They matter. No matter what products you sell, what kind of smell they have, how good or bad they looked that day, how sure or unsure they were with their life, 

” They matter”

Making them feel that you respect them is enough. Everyone deserve that. Not because for the sake of doing that but because you’re all humans. You all matter. 

While writing this, I thought of the people in Luneta. Some were dating, ( cause valentines is near) some were having time with their families, some were students who were practicing but some were sleeping on the ground. Seeing those unfortunate people made me realized that, people are all in the same world. We could not boast about anything on anyone. We’re not higher or lower than anybody. All those people are having fun inside of that park, and one thing is for sure. 

” Happiness if free for anyone ”

Spread love, spread happiness, stop living the standards of this world, believe me , It won’t make you happy. Let us leave the weaker version of us here. Here in the dark. 

The Idea of Love

Why do we hurt the ones we love? Why do we destroy the ones we thought the one? I’m talking about love right now and it sounds like I’m being broke by the idea of love. I’ve been thinking if love could make us whole as a human but why do we keep on feeling the same pain over and over again. Words cut deep here in my heart as he uttered the words about his complains about us. What’s wrong with being inlove? I just can’t accept how things gone wrong. Seeing myself in the middle of the night, waiting for him to come home sucks. I just can’t take it how the same person who makes you feel valued suddenly changed because of ..
“It’s not always about us”

Those words clearly showed me how we should put ourself in his life. I wanted to shout every pain you’ve given me all throughout the years. And if you’re going to be back again, I’ll give you triple of the pain you made me feel. Finding myself under a blanket while crying nonstop is just stupid. Why would I cry for someone whose purpose leads me into great sadness. Maybe love can be cruel when we felt how hard it is to endure every lies and secrets that have been divulge for years. I hate the idea of being so inlove with the same person all at the same time. 

“It hurts like I have to ripped off my heart out of my chest”

Like, how to forget all those happy memories you shared if all you remembered were the facts that you can’t share him your dreams anymore. Deciding to end up all these repeatable cycle would be hard but what if I can’t? 

Right now, I wasn’t expecting him to do this but. I’ll quit anyway. Okay break me more, tore me into pieces and I’ll be willing to bring back all these to your ego. 

But you know what?

I can’t because the idea of loving you is insanely driving me nuts. It may be painful but I always ends up with forgiveness. And maybe? That’s how love really works. It makes us a new person who is willing to accept the flaws while loving every fabric of their soul. Being manipulated with their shitty words no matter how sugar coated they were. This is love. It never changes even to the smartest person in the world. You’ll be numb, sarcastically insane and crazy. It makes you happy and damn sad at the same time. But the idea of loving him would be the best part, no matter how many tears I cried or how many nights I’ll wait. But wait, do I love him? 

or ” I just love the idea of loving him?”

I’m still inlove with the same person I’ve seen,  the first time I opened up my eyes while crying because I’m alive. If you know what I really mean. 

In this world, your worldly parents could abandoned you but God will never leave you. 

RANDOM THOUGHTS

I am currently avoiding negative people in my life right now. Tho it may be defensive but I demand peace. Hell yeah give me peace. I’ve read articles about delayed graduation and it really inspires me rn to go with this topic. I just love it! Out of 3 students, one of them will be experiencing delayed graduation. That was according to the source. If you’re going to ask me why I wrote this, the reason is I’m one one of them. Though things may not fall into places right now. I know that in the right moment I’mm gonna wear that black suit that signifies all the hardships, eyebags, sleepless nights I’ve experienced all throughout those years. Being one of the breadwinner will be my own inspiration to carry all these burdens inside me. Somebody’s looking at me while typing this shit. It’s really awkward. I hope he’ll stop. We’ve gone to The Manila Times College a while ago and that was awesome. Ate Micah of TMTC is only 23 year old yet she has her own part of the newspaper. She’s been speaking about it until I realized, you can be someone at a very young age. I’m not gonna waste any time and I’ll strive hard to be one of a kind. And then when I get back to school to unwine, mick told me about being too nice. We were telling our first impression they said what was expected. 

“I’m too nice”

I told them about how I overthink over simple things and I was so happy to hear that. They feel how I felt but they advised me not to do that because nobody cares if I was thingking about it. Anyway, I love their company, for making me feel good about myself though I don’t really feel it. And yeah, just a lesson for them, I SHOULD NOT BE TOO NICE! 

This day is pretty quite good because first, I was happy that we’re totally near to finish our thesis. Second, I have meaningful conversation this day. Third, I was able to talk to all of my “true” friends. I was writing this for me to remember that inspite of every bad day I’ve had these past few weeks, God is so gracious to bring good people into my life. They were few yet it’s just heartwarming to be with them. 

Be Stupid 

I’ve never been an open book to some but believe me, if I trust you then congratulations. I’m just being fair to myself while I hide all these. Just to say it right, I just hated trusting humans. It’s been two years when someone told me how good I was to admit my mistakes in a numb way. Like, whuutttt??? Did you just say, “numb?” Basically, It was too insulting,  but anyone who would hear that probably cringe at a moment. Which is very defensive for me to slapped him away with my sword-like tongue. Actually, if you’re going to think of it, that was a compliment. Right now, I was giggling because of this topic because it’s too good to be true. While seeing the messages from my old classmates really freaks me out. Wahhhhhh!!.
Mistakes make us humans. Though it’s a negative trait to be done. Just a simple reminder, confessing that you really don’t know something is not stupidity. That’s actually learning to unlearn the act of the ” all- knowing, sophisticated big headed human endeavor who lives in a jar of pride and superiority”( if you know what I mean. Whenever I met people whose standards are high as the mount everest, trust me, I’ll hate that person. Just to be true, I hate seeing pretentious people in some lovely faces. Which is very common now in our society. I remembered my professor told us ubout “smart shaming” – about shaming those smart folks tho they don’t really brag for their achievements etsetera. That’s totally the opposite of what I was saying. And yes, I’m talking about the bragging rights of any individual. Hate me or love me but I don’t care. If you knew yourself that you’re ignorant about that topic then, you’re not gonna die if you’ll say it straight to the point you bragger!  

You’re not supposed to know everything and I am fond to corrections. I love corrections and if ever I would look stupid or innocent in front of anyone, then I don’t care. Learning tnew hings from the expert is really exciting and maybe that’s why my superiors loved to teach me, cause I look stupid anyway. Haha. Telling you these will sound weird but give me the benefit of the doubt. 

Try to do these and you’ll learn the unimaginably facts about the world. Open new doors and create bigger dreams by leaving the throne of pride and deception. Dethrone yourself while humbly accepting what you know nothing about. Be competetive with yourself not with anyone whose been doing the ” I know everything” stupidity. 

Marri-age

Waking up in a cold and brezzy morning is my favourite. Though it feels like I’m about to catch a cold now. Yikes. Everyday is my day and believe me I love mornings but night reading is the best. It makes me feel like I have been flying in the sky full of stars while drinking a lot of tea to boost the inner air that lifts me up.Rememebering my childhood about mornings, makes me freak out like..
” I missed it like, can I go back there?”

It was 3′ o clock in the morning and it was our neighbor’s wedding day. I was thinking how weddings works here in the world. I never have an idea how weddings should be celebrated. ( Don’t hate me, I’m just a child right then). 

Until my curiosity hits me and I just imagined how it works. Weddings are located at the sky and a guy and a girl would picked up stars to give it to one another. ( blame the stairway to heaven) haha. That was totally crazy but believe me, as my little imagination told me, that was how I imagined weddings before. 

Sooooo, what will be our topic now? It will be about commitment. This is a great word that always reminds me of endless promises and holding hands. When you commit into something, it is required that you’d do your duty and you can’t escape to it till the end of time. (*evil laughs) haha. But as a matter of fact, marriages are exchanging vows with someone whom you see yourself to be with for the rest of your life. But why do people get divorced? That’s the thing about love. It make us feel excited that we wanted to get it until after knowing that person for so long, we just wanted to leave them hanging into commitment that you promised to be death to set you apart. Whatever! If you really wanted to commit then take your words then prove it. Unlearn the idea of, ” Babe it’s not you, it’s me”. Just a little reminder, I’m not bitter, I’m just stating what I almost observed for 20 years of my life here on earth. Duhhh. For someone who has been jailed into thinking that people always change, I believe that God created marriage for a great purpose. But people stained it until the world won’t believe that it exist. 

– okay. I’m just angry right now to tell you this. If you love your family then do not do anything that might hurt and destroy them. Mistresses should be cursed but, how can we forgive someone who destroys a family that has been good for years. There’s no point of having many lovers yet your child cursed you. I hate that. The idea of secretly engaging yourself into someone you’re not commited at is just STUPID. I’ll tell you all the stupid things and make you feel how it hurts to be abandoned just for someone who are just using your money for granted. 

Let’s chill out. How to forgive again? Can you? Then teach me how. 
xx