Ocean

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It was my dream to live just near the ocean. I wanna wake up with the sound of the waves calming my ears as I slowly take a sip of hot chocolate. Last night, I lived that dream. The ocean was bluer than what I’ve expected. People are nice and simple, I could even make them smile through my jokes. It just felt so happy in that dream. The ocean calms me and gives me the rest from all of my unending pain. I wonder how God made all of His creation. I wonder if He’s thinking about how will I react from all the beauty they possessed. Maybe I would plan a vacation someday and enjoy the simplicity of life. Being an adult really exhaust me. And when I woke up, reality creeps in again, then I smiled. Instead of being upset waking up from that good dream, I’ll just make that dream happen!

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Death. In reality, death is just a part of a human nature. Some people will cringe for a moment whenever they heard it. Some were subconsciously want to know how it feels to die. Others just accept it, but it hurts. It really hurts me when people’s only option is to commit suicide. I’ve been in that situation before when I felt depressed because of all those demons in my head. But thanks God, I’m still alive with a hope that I could overcome whatever comes my way. I see death as a new beginning but there’s still a bit of curiosity if people will be sad when I’m gone. But let’s stay anyway. I want to bring positivity here.

Hey! You! Whatever pain you’re going through right now, I truly don’t understand your pain or whatever reasons why you’re sad and down, but let me tell you this: You are more than the sadness or anxieties you are feeling right now! You are loved and no one can replaced you here in this planet. You are the only you that people will keep on searching if you’re gone. So please stay, you are more precious than gold and you really matter here in this world. I don’t personally know you but if you’re reading this, we have to fight this battle no matter how it takes. We’ll be okay someday. We’ll be better than the former and no one can change the fact that so many people loves you. It’s just that, circumstances really comes as a mighty roaring lion to scare us, to beat us. But you are more than a conqueror! You are an overcomer! You deserve to be happy. So please stay loves 😊. The Lord loves you!

Thank You For Calling

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“You have a good voice by the way”

He really made my day. Haha. It is my job as a Customer Service Representative to take calls and help the customers resolve their issues. Some were nice but most of the time, there are rude customers who will mock you personally as you speak with them. I experienced being called an idiot and all the cursed words they could call me. But I remained nice as a marshmallow. Haha. This job really taught me how to patiently understand different people with different personalities. Plus, they are from a foreign country( no need to tell you specifically). It also help me to become a better person. Though some of them are almost getting into my nerves, there are still some people who talked to me nicely and even had an understanding spirit. Bless them. But being in this kind of industry, I learned not to be a toxic person to anyone around me. I felt how hard it is to receive all the blame from people who doesn’t even know me. To receive words that really hurts inside but I have to endure it. That’s my job anyway. I chose to be in this situation, but I’m thankful to experience all of those. Because at the end of the day, someone will surely appreciate how I’ve helped them carry out the issues with their lives.

CHEER UP

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When you see someone dying in front of your eyes, everything will change. Your whole life will definitely change. Seeing someone who is dear to me taking her last breath is the saddest thing that ever happened to me. That’s the beginning of my battle. Because I see the reality of death even before I just have to start living. It was like seeing the end of the movie instead of enjoying the exciting beginning of the scenes. It was like mourning in a wedding song. I hated this feeling since she died. People will never understand because I loved her so much more than the dreams I created inside my head. She’s part of all my plans and all those little surprises I want to make just to make her happy. This may sound cliche’ for some who knew me. But. She’ll not be there on my graduation. But I know she’ll come.

Page Breaker

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You know what really hurts?
Strangers.
They’ll talk to you.
They’ll pretend like they want to know you.
They’ll make you feel better.
After a week, they’ll be gone.
After you trust them.
With your stories.
With the pieces of your soul.
Then you’ll end up hurting.
End up crying in a corner.
With tears running down your whole face.
Because you lost yourself again.
Over and over again.
I welcomed you.
Then leave like I never gave something so much important to me.

Give me those pages, I’m not done yet.

She Was Happy

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She’s gone in a summer ready to uphold her. She was happy. Before the night someone told her that she’s ugly. Before the day when she was told to change the way things really are. She’s a bit discourage. By people who only understands her when she cries, but cursed her with words that defines her past. She is a complete mess when they point their fingers to make her feel down and sad. But she fights. She cuts her hair short and continue to forgive the trolls. She keeps on telling the people to be strong. She finds compassion by giving light into someone’s day. Because she was happy. Even before you read the first phrase of the song. She was. Happy.

TAN

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I want something that could be so right and gentle. Something that will never let me feel the validation of the world. As I feel the warmth of your love, there would be no escape, no turning back, no understatement. You are a complete complications of all my why’s and the phrases I could make as a complete one. You’re the continuing process of all the x and y. The 3.14 value of pi. This is the start of the never ending smile. Of all the “let’s eat and make the world go round”. Stay with me for a while, I’ll tell you all the weird secrets of all my cries.

When The Time Is Right

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As the wind blows from the east
My heart beats louder with ease
I couldn’t feel my shoulder at first
Because of some bruises I got from medicines I’ve cursed

I felt the hope when I saw the sky bluer than before
It keeps on reminding me about the healing i once devour
And every rays of the sun that touches my bare soul,
I couldn’t help but to thank God for all these sore

Without pain, I’d be healthy living the life full of pride and arrogance
Without these weaknesses, I’d be strong wasting all the given chance
Without these defects, I’d be worried not to experience having the first glance
Of the hope that can be repeated just once

 

The Girl You Never Met

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If you will be able to meet the best version of yourself, will you still stare at the perfection infront of you? Or you’ll keep on pointing out the things you missed and start to change, for you to achieve that wonderful transformation? I prefer the latter. Seeing yourself as different from who you are right now will be really scary for me. You’ll think how great change will be but in the end, you’ll existentially be happy but will die inside the cage of “this is not me anymore”.

Reverted

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I asked for a smooth- sailing college life, but you gave me a lot of storms along the way. I asked for financial stability but you gave me a purse full of coins and cents. I asked for many friends during those hard times but you gave me just 5 who stayed through thick and thin. I asked for more people to love me, but you allowed them to leave me. At first, I couldn’t even understand the standard of your love, but I am beyond thankful to experience hardships rather than comfort. To see my grandmother’s death rather than healing her. To feel pain rather than love. Those are rays of your love and I can still see you loving me tho I failed you a thousand times. All of those things made me who I am. I see grace and will forever be thankful about Isaiah 43:1.