Almost a Dream

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.— Jeremiah 29:11

I was one step towards the goal that day. To be accepted to the Broadcasting Company I was praying for 2 years already. I can feel the excitement while waiting and got the opportunity to be interviewed by the HR. Overcoming 3 interviews in a day with 3 hours of examination was overwhelming. Tired, hungry, exhausted and happy at the same time. Given all the time to be prepared I was close to have a job offer from my “Dream Company”. I just need to answer all the questions from the HR and go through their personality test. During the interview, I thought that victory is mine; but I was wrong. Her questions hit me hard. Will I be able to bear the severity of all the emotions I will receive from people? Will I be able to exceed all the expectations of the company? Can I really sincerely pray for the people? For his people?

Yeah. I applied as a Partner Service Representative. Job description? I have to pray for people overseas over the phone. A lot of people everyday who are depressed, dying, loosing hope, so many to mention. Well that is my dream. But the fear of myself dragged me to be confuse, confuse if I can handle such purpose.

I know myself well.

There are times that I will hate to talk to people because I was having my anxieties. It was not my forte to comfort people because of my past and I do not really know how to exactly make them feel a little better. I always make an excuse whenever people wish to approach or be friends with me. But that doesn’t end there.

I was quietly praying for people that I love, people who are sick, those who are making a fuss about me or even my dog. I cried silent prayers. Little did they know, I was fighting my battle through that, and I know that my vulnerability always reflect whenever I whisper those names to God. Because I know He listens.

But I gave up my dream.

I refused to take the personality test after a good cry with the HR. I told her my past. She understood why I decided to withdrew that opportunity. She knew it will be hard for me. And yeah I agreed with her. After the interview I just realized that it is not really a dream. It is something I can do for the rest of my life.

My heart was wrong that time. I was after the success, the opportunity, the brand of the Company. And I think it was the Lord who made me realized that I hit the wrong road again. I understand myself better and made careful decisions after that.

Well, the Lord brought me to a good company right now. I may not have the dream job I was praying for, I know I’m now fulfilling my purpose. His plans are higher indeed.