Failure


And here I go again. Writing about anything that just popped out of my mind. It really hurts until now. How they gave out a lot of shits about our thesis. And yes, they’re questioning the results which is not right to be true. I hate it. I will never forget what happened and that was the darkest moment that I almost vomit everything I ate.(eww) But seriously, they’re too biased not to accept the results. That fucking hurts. They supposed to accept the result as it was but they just used their power  so we could be miserable as this. But, what we can actually do then? That’s totally wrong. 

I was praying hard before everything but? Who am I question God after all? Maybe it’s just an indication that God will bring all these ruins into life. No matter how helpless we are right now, I still trust Him that he’ll do something for us. Failure is the key to success and I can’t be an asshole who will rant everything and do nothing. I’ll prove them wrong and slap them all our papers . Hahaha. (Evil laugh) I cried a lot yesterday and that’s enough . Those tears came from all the hardships that haven’t been appreciated. For all the nights I suffered while doing what they want. For all those sleepless nights I think about that shitty papers. It doesn’t help anyway. But I need to be strong and cheer up no matter how tiring and stressful it will be. Failure doesn’t define who we are. It doesn’t mean that we’re stupid. That we are worthless. It took a thousand times of effort to completely combined all those papers, but in our surprise, they won’t be objective enough to attack the person not than the study.

But why do I have to write all of these? Because it just hurt. Like every piece of me wants to give up. Like, hey little girl, do you feel the pain while you’re down on your knees? After all those tears, my classmates and friends hugged me so tight while asking why? Why do we have to do it all over again? Is everything I did not enough? We don’t deserve it. But do we?

As I walked down the streets, I tried to ask the Lord why? Until all those traumatic voices of the panels changed into comforts and sympathy that my friends offered for me. I really love their hugs. And that’s enough to ease all these pain that had been killing me inside. I want to thank them for being just beside me and telling me that it’s okay. That it’s going to be alright. I just loved that moment. Where everyone really cares for me and gave me a piece of themselves. That in everyday that I feel like a failure, they reminds me that no, You are NOT a failure. A single failure doesn’t define who you are. It just mean that I haven’t done it yet. Yes. It’s not over. We have one more chance and I’m gonna chin up and face the world with confidence that they could knock me once, but I will never be the same weak girl they have seen crying. 

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