The Idea of Love

Why do we hurt the ones we love? Why do we destroy the ones we thought the one? I’m talking about love right now and it sounds like I’m being broke by the idea of love. I’ve been thinking if love could make us whole as a human but why do we keep on feeling the same pain over and over again. Words cut deep here in my heart as he uttered the words about his complains about us. What’s wrong with being inlove? I just can’t accept how things gone wrong. Seeing myself in the middle of the night, waiting for him to come home sucks. I just can’t take it how the same person who makes you feel valued suddenly changed because of ..
“It’s not always about us”

Those words clearly showed me how we should put ourself in his life. I wanted to shout every pain you’ve given me all throughout the years. And if you’re going to be back again, I’ll give you triple of the pain you made me feel. Finding myself under a blanket while crying nonstop is just stupid. Why would I cry for someone whose purpose leads me into great sadness. Maybe love can be cruel when we felt how hard it is to endure every lies and secrets that have been divulge for years. I hate the idea of being so inlove with the same person all at the same time. 

“It hurts like I have to ripped off my heart out of my chest”

Like, how to forget all those happy memories you shared if all you remembered were the facts that you can’t share him your dreams anymore. Deciding to end up all these repeatable cycle would be hard but what if I can’t? 

Right now, I wasn’t expecting him to do this but. I’ll quit anyway. Okay break me more, tore me into pieces and I’ll be willing to bring back all these to your ego. 

But you know what?

I can’t because the idea of loving you is insanely driving me nuts. It may be painful but I always ends up with forgiveness. And maybe? That’s how love really works. It makes us a new person who is willing to accept the flaws while loving every fabric of their soul. Being manipulated with their shitty words no matter how sugar coated they were. This is love. It never changes even to the smartest person in the world. You’ll be numb, sarcastically insane and crazy. It makes you happy and damn sad at the same time. But the idea of loving him would be the best part, no matter how many tears I cried or how many nights I’ll wait. But wait, do I love him? 

or ” I just love the idea of loving him?”

I’m still inlove with the same person I’ve seen,  the first time I opened up my eyes while crying because I’m alive. If you know what I really mean. 

In this world, your worldly parents could abandoned you but God will never leave you. 

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